My Unmedicated Birth Center Birth Story

I’m so thrilled to share the story of my unmedicated birth center birth. It feels surreal to finally be sharing it! On Friday, April 24th our world was forever changed when we met our daughter after 12 and a half hours of labor. The day flew by. Labor felt so fast. We spent 5 and a half of those hours being at our birth center where we’d met with our midwives and attended Bradley classes taught by our doula since I was 28 weeks pregnant. I’m so excited to share this story of my unmedicated birth center birth experience as a first time mom. I had some really nervous family and friends… but we were so at peace with this decision to birth outside of a hospital. We really trusted our team to keep us all safe and they did just that, even with a birth complication that would have been treated much more traumatically in a hospital setting. We are so grateful this is our story and for God’s grace over Heidi’s birth. Thank you to Kelly of Kaypea Photography for capturing this day so beautifully for us. This is a LONG story, but I hope to shed some light on what my experience was like having an unmedicated birth outside of a hospital as a first time mom for other moms thinking about doing the same!

birth center vs. hospital

If you’ve been following our pregnancy journey, you know that we started under OBGYN care with our normal provider at the start of our pregnancy and had fully expected to have a hospital birth under their care. I shared on an Instagram Q+A at 17 weeks pregnant that I would “never give birth outside of a hospital because I want our baby to have all the medical help available that he or she could possibly need.” That was mid November. In early December, we met with a doula just for a consultation and shared that we were open to the concept of trying for an unmedicated birth. I’ll never forget her reaction when we told her who our provider was. She very honestly shared with us that she doesn’t even accept doula clients with our provider because of the horror stories she has had with the labor & delivery staff. She shared a few of those stories and needless to say, we walked out of that consultation extremely open to looking into other options, including an unmedicated birth center birth.

We didn’t think a birth center would be something even on our radar until we realized we were locked into choosing between just two hospitals with our provider. We couldn’t use any other hospital staff outside of theirs, so that meant no midwives or in-hospital birth centers. We couldn’t even meet the doctor who would be delivering our baby! How was I supposed to share my birth plan, which was sounding like it would be different than normal hospital procedure? 

The doula we met with assured us we would, at a minimum, absolutely need a doula in the room to fight for us if we wanted to do anything differently than standard procedure. But she also pointed out that it sounded like I had some traumatic experiences in hospitals in the past… my mom was sick with cancer for years when I was younger and the hospital lights, smells, and sounds still make me physically ill. We did the hospital tours and on one of them, I lost feeling in my feet like I do when I’m having a panic attack. I didn’t even consciously realize I was so on edge being there in the hospital labor and delivery ward, under the lights and trying to picture myself giving birth peacefully and safely. I kept asking questions like can I eat during labor? Can I move around without an IV? and kept getting answers I did not like. It just didn’t feel right… 

I prayed that God would give me peace about the right hospital as we walked into each tour, and I wasn’t having peace at all. I really wanted to do it! I wanted to tough it out and conquer my hospital fears! I also wanted to just take the path of least resistance and stick with a birth place that was covered under our insurance… but we had NO peace about it. Justin especially could see how beneficial it might be to look into other options like a birth center and he was the one who encouraged me to really seriously consider it. It was an extremely loud sign post that both God and my husband seemed to be pointing me in a different direction, like a birth center.

This was in mid-January. Before the COVID-19 lockdowns, quarantine, and restrictions. Isn’t it insane how we can look back and so clearly see God guiding us where our best is? 

We toured a birth center in late January and set up an initial appointment pretty soon after. I loved seeing the rooms with the tubs and the real beds, the vanity dressers, the comfy couches and chairs and little electric fireplaces. It felt like home. It felt safe. It certainly felt peaceful. 

I knew I’d have to release any fears straight to Jesus about not being in a hospital with a NICU when we delivered our baby girl. Thankfully, with all the research this had prompted me to do, I learned that birth is very rarely a medical emergency for low risk, normal, healthy pregnancies, which we were so thankful to have. I also learned just how prepared the staff is at the birth center – our birth center is the only accredited standalone birth center in Virginia. They do quarterly drills in front of accreditation members for all kinds of medical emergencies related to birth, like neonatal resuscitation. The midwives are professionally trained and there is a labor and delivery nurse at every birth – the same one that would be in a hospital. I felt safe there and truly believed it was the safest place for Heidi to enter the world.

the safest place to birth

I devoured Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth and read as many articles and scientific journals I could find about labor and very quickly realized an unmedicated birth is actually much more natural and closer to how my body WANTS to work to help me and baby foster a safe delivery and postpartum period. The science both shocked and fascinated me. There is a delicate, beautiful balance of hormones at play during the birth process and it’s exactly how it should be. I now knew I really wanted to do it, for both mine and baby’s sake! Not having access to an epidural or any drug form of pain relief at the birth center was actually very freeing to me because I knew I wanted a drug-free birth at this point! I knew I wouldn’t have to worry about it being offered to me or even considering it during labor… which actually turned out to be really helpful! 

I also loved that at the birth center, there wasn’t the sterile medical environment feeling, and I loved the concept of personalized midwifery care… my appointments showed very quickly how much the midwives care about my mental health and mind & heart prep for being a mother as much as they did about checking our vitals. 

Needless to say, we were SO thankful to have been planning an out of hospital birth once the COVID-19 pandemic began. If we had been in a hospital, I might have ended up laboring alone at points, we might have had to wear a mask all through labor and birth, and we wouldn’t have been able to have our doula or Kelly there to photograph everything. Being at the birth center was SUCH a gift. I felt like I was home there! Especially after all my appointments and our trips there for Bradley classes, as well as my chiropractic adjustments… it just felt like such a familiar and comfortable environment once we walked in on Labor Day!

heidi’s birthday

I’d been having contractions for weeks – my Braxton Hicks contractions slowly turned into feeling more like very mild period cramps about 3 weeks before delivery, and then I started to get those period cramps a couple times a day 1-2 weeks before, and I’d wonder, “Is this what a contraction feels like?” Every time I got one, I’d do pelvic rocks or hip circles on my birth ball to practice coping with the sensation during labor. After all our Bradley classes, near nightly practice massage sessions, relaxation techniques, etc. I was feeling so prepared and so beyond ready to labor unmedicated AND finally meet our daughter! 

Her “due date” came and went on Friday, April 17th. I knew that first time moms on average give birth at 41 weeks and 1 day. Our due date was technically one day off from when we knew we conceived, so Heidi actually DID come at 41 weeks and 1 day based on that! I can’t believe how accurate that statistic was for us! I’m glad I knew because the week after the 40 week mark had passed was already hard enough. 

I woke up every morning disappointed I hadn’t gone into labor overnight… but thankful for another day to just relax with Justin and Coco. I spent that extra week doing puzzles, watching movies, and baking things like carrot cake, chocolate chip cookies, and chocolate chip banana bread. It was so hard for me to stop moving! I wanted to be up and doing something all hours of the day and Justin had to remind me to slow down and stop “nesting” and just let baby come! 

I had my last prenatal appointment on Tuesday at 40 weeks and 4 days, and I asked about my options for stimulating labor. One of my midwives, Mayanne, let me know I could come back for a stim kit on Thursday or Friday, and that I’d need to get a non-stress test (where they monitor the baby’s heart rate for 20 minutes) by the 41 weeks and 3 day mark as well as a biophysical profile ultrasound. I really didn’t want to have to worry about hitting the 42 week mark and not being able to birth at the birth center, and I was aware that meconium was a risk (where the baby poops in their water sac and they can breathe it in during birth and potentially have an infection or, worst case, not be able to breathe). Little did I know Heidi was going to have meconium in her lungs at birth… I’m glad I didn’t spend too much time worrying about it though, because our midwives handled it so well and cleared her airways in a gentle procedure (vs. suctioning that would have been done in a hospital) immediately after being delivered. More on that later! 

All through the 41st week, I walked, squatted, moved around constantly, drank red raspberry leaf tea, ate dates… we did all the low level intervention methods to try to help labor maybe get started! On Wednesday night, I started to lose my mucus plug after a certain labor stimulation activity that clearly worked because I immediately started losing bits of the plug. I was so excited! I tried to stay calm and remember that the mucus plug is a sign labor is close, not necessarily imminent. It could still be “weeks.” 

Justin made sure to spend time massaging me and making sure I was relaxed as possible every day and night those last few weeks… it was such a sweet time and I’ll never forget it. 

On Wednesday night, I had several contractions in the middle of the night that seemed to come close together. It was only 4 or so and I slept through them because I knew when labor starts to ignore it for as long as possible! It didn’t turn into anything that night, and I knew it was just another episode of the random contractions that my body was just doing to warm up. Mayanne had told me that every contraction is less work I have to do in labor, so I clung to that and welcomed each one knowing it wasn’t a waste, it was progress getting done! 

On Thursday I had a chiropractic appointment at the birth center and told Dr. Emily we’d need to pull out all the tricks for getting labor started with this adjustment. I felt so relaxed leaving that adjustment appointment – I had about 5 adjustments in the 2 weeks leading up to labor, and it really helped align my pelvis and loosen my hips and back muscles! I felt great! I still had my lower back pain, but with my pelvis literally expanding to prepare for birth, that was to be expected and I tried to keep a good attitude about the discomfort. I knew labor was SO close and this pregnancy was coming to an end… and it made both of us a little sad! We wanted to soak up every last moment of it, and we did! Lots of Netflix and movie nights on the couch with yummy food and cuddling Coco… it was such a sweet season! It already feels like ages ago. A totally different life! 

I picked up the stim kit on my way out of the birth center and looked at the castor oil and tonics and herbs in the bag, praying I wouldn’t have to resort to using any. I didn’t, because less than 24 hours later I’d be back there at the center delivering our baby! 

I genuinely don’t remember anything about Thursday night… funny how your memory just disappears when you have a baby. Haha. I’m not sure if I had any signs that anything was up, but I did my pelvic rocks like usual before going to sleep, and I had Justin do our massage and relaxation routine. It was our last night going to sleep just the two of us! 

The entire week leading up to labor, I was waking up at 5am and I was so frustrated as to why. I’d be up and wide awake and unable to fall back asleep. 

Well, maybe it was my body preparing me for being up at that hour and ready to start my day because that’s when my contractions started on Friday morning! 

It was the same thing I’d been feeling – that mild period cramp. I feel my period cramps in my lower back and not in the front at all, and that was the exact feeling I had, like I was getting my period. It would last for about a minute and then go away. Another one came 9 minutes later and I thought… is this it?! Then another one came 8 minutes later… then 7 minutes… 6 minutes… 5 minutes… 4 minutes… all back to back like that! I had contractions come 4 minutes apart for the next hour and I could not believe my contractions app was telling me repeatedly to “go to the hospital!” What?! How were things already this far along? 

Usually they tell you when things are 5 minutes apart for one hour to head to the hospital. I was able to just lay in bed through all of these – they felt extremely mild and light – so I was curious as to whether I was actually in labor or just imagining it… maybe these were more practice contractions? 

Justin’s alarm went off and I said, “Hey, I’ve been having contractions,” and he very sleepily said “Oh cool” (because we know not to react to labor until it can’t be ignored) and then I said “Yea, they’ve been 4 minutes apart for the last hour.” And then he immediately woke up! He practically jumped out of bed and started getting ready for the day.

It made me nervous that things might very soon be progressing into very active labor/transition and I would be here at home, or worse, in the car on the way to the birth center. I fully expected my contractions to start 10-20 minutes apart, be that way for quite some time (like a full day!), then slowly start to get closer together. Instead, I woke up in 4-1-1 territory and we had said we wanted to go to the birth center at 3-1-1! Ahh! 

It was now 7am. I had texted my doulas letting them know I was getting contractions pretty close together and Bethany wrote back letting me know I probably slept through early labor and that I should keep her updated. She also told me to call the midwife line! So I did and my midwife Sharon answered and I had very clearly woken her up from her sleeping and I felt so bad! When I told her my contractions were starting to be 3-4 minutes apart, she asked if my doula was there yet, to which I answered no. I think she was going to use the doula as a gauge for how far along I actually was. Because I could still talk normally, both Bethany and Sharon were doubtful that I was super close to delivery time. So I trusted them but I also questioned how long I needed to be at home if this 3-1-1 rule wasn’t going to be the cue to leave! 

I got dressed, went downstairs, and Justin made me three scrambled eggs with cheddar cheese and sea salt (my go-to breakfast all of third trimester)! I think I also had an energy ball or two… I can’t remember. Poor Justin didn’t eat, he was too nervous! I remember walking downstairs and into the main level bathroom to grab an Always disposable underwear and I looked at Justin and asked, “Am I really doing this?!” You never forget your first time wearing adult diapers… haha. At least they had a cute design on them. I’m glad I wore them because they ended up catching my water breaking later in labor! 

Justin was the most jittery I have ever seen him. I remember telling someone at the birth center, “He’s been like the energizer bunny all morning!” He was so excited and anxious at the same time in the cutest way. I kept telling him to calm down and keep his energy at my level! I was super calm and mellow and really in such a chill, relaxed state through these contractions coming every 3-4 minutes. I started out on my birth ball and realized that did NOT feel good (which I later learned means PROGRESS!). 

I think this is where my doula asked me to call her so she could hear me on the phone. We called at 8:34am. She said because I was still able to talk normally and have a conversation with her, I likely wasn’t in the thick of it yet, but she would come as soon as I felt like I needed her support… which I didn’t feel I needed at this point at all. I felt like I could have labored like that there at home with Justin forever! 

It was very mild, the period cramp feeling in my back. Because I was feeling it in my back and not anything in the front, Bethany let me know I might be having a positional issue and that I should do some pelvic rocks and two other things I honestly can’t remember. I think I was having a contraction while she was relaying all of this – something I recall about labor contractions is that the greatest thing they demanded of me was my focus and FULL attention. Maybe that’s why they say you shouldn’t be able to talk once things really get going! 

I soon ended up on my side on the couch with pillows stacked between my legs to mimic the peanut ball. I noticed that with the pillows like that, the contractions definitely felt stronger, but still not unbearable. I had to close my eyes for these ones. It was so involuntary closing my eyes. My body just knew how to respond and just took over… Justin reminded me to breathe, and he kept telling me to hum. I don’t know where he got that from, but it worked so well. Focusing on humming at a low tone with him humming with me was awesome! It felt like it massaged me on the inside if that makes sense. I also tried to visualize a few times the places I mentally envisioned in my relaxation meditations leading up to labor. It seemed to help relax me as my body tensed in all the right places to move Heidi down. 

We labored for another hour and a half like this, with contractions getting to be more like 3 minutes apart. I was texting both Bethany and Sharon letting them know that the contractions were feeling stronger and getting closer together. I really just wanted one of them to tell me it was time to go! I also couldn’t decide if I was going to have Bethany come to the house or just meet us at the center… I also didn’t want to tell Kelly to head up from Richmond (about an hour and a half away) if we were still a long way off from baby’s arrival. I said to Justin several times, I hate how subjective this all is! Nothing was following the rules in my books and I was so confused about how far along I actually was. I was still technically able to talk through contractions, but it was starting to getting more difficult.

There was so much I had on my list to bring with us to her birth… I knew it was a possibility we might end up in a hospital, so we had an overnight bag packed along with tons of snacks, bathroom stuff, etc. We wouldn’t need these things at the birth center, but I wanted to have them on hand in case we did end up with a longer hospital stay. So Justin was gathering all these items as I labored, packing the Instant Pot beef stew I had made to have after she was born (at the birth center), and randomly I had this urge to bake chocolate chip cookies for everyone… because apparently I bake cookies when I want to tell people I love them. So I was little rolling cookie dough into little balls and popping them in the oven mid-contraction if that tells you how tolerable things still were at this point! 

Justin called Bethany around 10am so we could verbally check in with her again. I started to get a contraction and had to say “Sorry it’s kind of hard to talk now” and I think that was the cue we needed to go! Bethany told me to text Sharon and ask if she could meet us at the birth center, and we’d meet Bethany there as well. Sharon gave us a time to meet her of 11:45! YAY! It was finally time to go and stop wondering if I was going to hit transition or accidentally have this baby at home! 

Justin finished packing the car and we said goodbye to Coco. I almost cried! She had been sitting with me through these last few contractions and kissing my face and I got emotional thinking she wouldn’t be our “only child” anymore when we came back home… I gave her a huge hug and headed out to the car to go meet our daughter around 11:20am. 

I had been nervous about dealing with contractions in the car, but they really weren’t any different than at home. I sat on a pillow to make things a little more comfortable and Justin massaged my leg when I’d get one. My contractions were coming on average every 2 minutes now, which, again, freaked me out because I didn’t understand how they were SO close together and yet I still felt very “okay” and not like things were really all that painful at all. I asked Justin in the car, “What if this isn’t labor? What if I’m just making this up in my head?!” That’s how confused I was about what was going on and why I wasn’t that bothered by my contractions even though they were now 2-1-1! 

As we pulled out of our neighborhood, Justin said a prayer for us, that no one would have a fever (they were screening everyone at the center for COVID-19 symptoms and we’d have to go to the hospital if we showed any signs), and that Heidi would come safely and that I’d be okay through delivery. It was such a sweet moment hearing him pray for our soon-to-be family of three! 

We got to the birth center, I finished a contraction in the car, and walked in to be greeted by Jo, a midwife I hadn’t met yet – with the influx of expectant moms wanting to birth outside of a hospital with the COVID-19 pandemic, the birth center had called in community midwives to help and I hadn’t yet had the chance to have an appointment with Jo. I knew Sharon was on her way, but Jo let me know that Sharon just had to finish something up before she came, and that she would start by taking my vitals. 

During this time, Justin was unloading all our stuff from the car (we packed way too much, but I’m glad we had options for everything, from Heidi’s clothes to my own). He tried to set up our Sonos speaker and it wouldn’t connect, so I ended up pulling out my phone, setting it next to me as I laid on my side on the bed with the peanut ball, and choosing the first meditation playlist that popped up on Spotify. It ended up being on this playlist the entirety of my labor! I really liked it. I had planned on playing worship music… but to be honest, I get really emotional when listening to worship songs, and I know it was for the best that I had this “Peaceful Meditation” playlist going. It sounded like I was at a spa getting a massage! 

I was chatting it up with Jo, asking if she usually does home births, about her midwifery career… mid-contraction. I think she relayed how sociable I was to Sharon when she arrived because Sharon walked in and started talking about how I might need to go labor a little bit more back at home. 

I remember being so confused by labor. It wasn’t following the rules… my contractions were 2 minutes apart, but I wasn’t feeling much of the contractions at all. I hadn’t felt a single thing in my abdomen still, just my lower back like a period cramp, and oddly enough, the sides of my hips. This made it really “easy” to labor – I didn’t necessarily WANT to talk through a contraction, but I definitely still “could,” even though I just wanted to close my eyes and ride the wave back down (which still felt amazing as I came off of it)! 

Sharon gave me the whole “Sometimes when there’s a change in our environment, labor stalls a little bit” talk, and I remember thinking… “If I have to go home, I’m not coming back here.” I genuinely thought okay, well then they’ll be coming to the house for the delivery, because I have no idea what the cue to leave would be if my contractions are already THIS close together. I also did NOT want to spend another 50 minutes in the car with the back and forth trip… I wanted to stay at the birth center and meet our daughter!! I was ready to do whatever necessary to make it happen! 

I had decided pre-labor that I didn’t want to do cervical checks unless absolutely necessary because I didn’t want the mind game of it all. I didn’t want to hear I was only 2-3 centimeters dilated if I felt like I was getting close to the end. I had been worried about labor lasting days, reaching the point of exhaustion, and having to transfer to a hospital to get an epidural JUST so I could sleep so the baby could come… this is a fairly “common” occurrence at the birth center with something like 15% of moms doing this very thing. I didn’t want that to be me! 

I was more afraid of my labor stalling and having to go to the hospital than I was of being in “pain.” I think that really made a difference with my mindset in labor- I would deal with any kind of discomfort if it meant staying out of the hospital. I was determined to do this!

In this moment that meant trying to figure out just how far along I really was on a physical level. I looked at my doula Bethany and asked what she thought. She said, “Well, it can really give us a good idea if you’re close or need to labor a little longer at home.” So I went against what I thought I’d do and agreed to a cervical check… and almost told my midwife “Don’t break my water!!” but decided that she knew what she was doing and that she’d be careful, which she was. 

The cervical check itself wasn’t super comfortable but also not all that bad. Sharon said, “Your baby is SO low,” which made me so excited! That was a good thing! When she finished the check she said, “So when I started, your cervix wasn’t really open at all… but your cervix is super forgiving. I was able to stretch it to one finger and then two and then stretch it out a little. So I’m gonna say 2-3cm. But you’re 90% effaced and your baby is stationed around 0 to +1!” 

I did not want to hear that I was only 2-3cm dilated! But Bethany relayed to me that by being so effaced and having baby so low, I had done a lot of work already and that half the battle was done! It was really encouraging for me to hear that and I’m so glad she was there to give me that pep talk, because if she hadn’t I would have been so discouraged about only being 2-3cm dilated, and that very likely would have affected my labor progressing.

Sharon told me this meant that I could stay, but I HAD to progress over the next hour with lots of squats and lunges to get baby even lower to open my cervix. I was so determined not to go home and not to let my labor stall that I took those instructions and ran with them. 

I started to squat really, really low with my heels on the ground during a contraction. It didn’t affect the intensity of it much but it felt good to stretch.

Then I moved to the tub to alternate putting each leg up during a contraction onto the tub and rotating my hips in a circle. That felt really good and it was just fun to be productive! This is when I asked my doula something like if she thought I wasn’t far enough along and that’s why I could still talk… and she said “I think you’re just one of those people that talk during labor.” This made me laugh because I was really wondering when I was going to hit the point of not wanting to have normal, lighthearted conversation between contractions! It made me feel like it was okay I was in such a normal, cheerful mood. 

At some point I told Bethany that I really felt my contractions more intensely when I was on my side on our couch at home with pillows stacked between my legs. I wanted to try the peanut ball again (I had spent a few minutes with it when I first got to the birth center), so we moved to the bed with the peanut ball and soon Bethany was commenting how it looked like things were getting more intense for me and I said “Really?!” I was so excited to be progressing! I had some applesauce at this point as a little snack and that tiny bit of food gave me so much energy! I really wanted to make sure I ate during labor to keep my energy up and I’m so glad I did! 

Kelly arrived in the middle of a contraction I was having and I managed to smile at her and this is when we realized I had hit the point where contractions needed my full attention and I really didn’t want to talk through one! But in between, I was experiencing such a high. Coming down from a contraction felt so good. It was like my entire body was relaxed, my mind was at peace, and it just felt amazing to have the tightness in me subside for a couple minutes. I kept smiling and saying “Okay :)” or “thank you :)” when a contraction would end and I remember us laughing about it because it was so repetitive of me and just kind of silly! Haha. There was a lot to laugh about in labor apparently! 

Kelly kept saying, “You’re handling this so well! You’re taking this like a champ!” That made me feel really good. Kelly has seen over 50 births while training as a labor & delivery nurse and I just felt so comfortable with her being there. I remember her asking me what a contraction felt like and I told her, “It’s like a period cramp, but also at the same time, that feeling when you really have to go to the bathroom – like RUN to the bathroom after having like Mexican food – that warm, tight feeling.” I love that she asked me because I remember the description I gave vividly and it helps me remember the contraction feeling! 

Sometime soon after the squats and lunges, Bethany and Sharon were both out of the room, and Kelly and Justin were there laboring with me and I decided to get on my birth ball. I did one contraction on that thing and it actually did not feel good. So I said “Nope! Not doing that!” and when Sharon and Bethany came back, I told them we’d put the birth ball in time out because it hurt me. Lol. It was now sitting in the corner and Sharon said “Well if I had been in here I would have told you to stay on it!” Bethany said to get the ball back out because hurting a little was a GOOD thing! 

Things were intensifying with the peanut ball, just like they were with our couch pillows between my knees back home! 

We were still having a good time! And I loved having my puppy socks on :) 

I love all the smiles Kelly captured throughout labor… I was genuinely enjoying myself! 

So I spent some more time on the ball doing hip circles as I’d get a contraction, with Bethany and Justin massaging me through it. I could really feel baby getting lower and a little bit more pressure building! I’d still describe contractions at this point as a strong period cramp. It’s like things went from lukewarm, to warm, to warmer and eventually hot. 

Bethany remarked again how things looked like they were intensifying for me and I was so happy! Some of my favorite things she would say during a contraction were… 

“Your body is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do.”

“You don’t need to do anything, just let your body take over.” 

“You’re doing everything exactly right.” 

“Surrender to the contraction”

“Breathe deeply” 

“Exhale the tension”

“Blow the contraction away” 

“Ride the wave down” 

“Relax your shoulders…”

She must have said relax your shoulders just about every contraction! I tend to hold a lot of tension in my neck and shoulders and each time I had to be reminded to lower my shoulders down from my ears. Haha. I remember Justin correcting my posture so much during labor because of this. He had learned from years of being with me but also all of our Bradley relaxation exercises how to recognize when my muscles were tense, and that helped him pinpoint where to focus during a contraction to help me keep my entire body relaxed. 

All smiles in between contractions!!! Labor is beautiful! 

What would I have done without him? His touch made me relax and allowed me to breathe deeply and feel so peaceful and safe…

Sharon checking baby’s heart rate through a contraction. She passed with flying colors every time! 

I love Sharon so much! We had so much fun with her at all our appointments. We always laughed so much. It was the best having her as our midwife and the person who delivered our daughter. 

One of the main things I wanted to remember during labor was that everything I was feeling was only happening in ONE area of my body. Just my abdomen. Now, I did feel my contractions in the sides of my hips oddly enough, but I still wanted to remember that nothing else should be tense or uncomfortable other than where the muscles were actually doing work – my uterus and pelvis! I didn’t grab onto anything or squeeze Justin’s hand during the bulk of labor. I just relaxed my entire body and focused on riding out the contraction, which genuinely felt like it was over really quickly once it started. 

I made a comment that I was only catching my contractions as they’d peak. Either I just didn’t notice as it was building, or my contractions just went straight to the peak from the start, but I’d say “Another one’s starting” and within 5 seconds it would be at its most intense, then it would fade out as I came back down. Honestly labor is so cool and this part really fascinates me and I’m genuinely excited to do this again! 

Eventually I felt like I had to go to the bathroom. This was the only time I pooped during labor, which I was VERY happy about after… I didn’t want to poop while pushing.I’m only sharing this because I didn’t think it was possible and I’m here to tell you it is! Would it have been the end of the world? Not at all. But more on that in the pushing part of the story! 

This birthing room barely had a door to the bathroom and no fan so I didn’t feel like I had enough privacy to go. I kicked everyone out and I remember things felt intense there on the toilet! I had a contraction as I stood up and had to grab on to the little metal handlebar in the wall. I cannot imagine laboring alone – I immediately wanted Justin to come back and be with me! 

Having a good time! Lol! 

And seconds later… going to work with contractions!! 

He loves me so well and experiencing labor with him was so amazing…

Having some of my Laborade popsicles! (Coconut water, red raspberry leaf tea, honey, etc.) 

More heart rate monitoring… I loved that it was intermittent and I didn’t have to be hooked up to anything! 

Justin sent me a text at 2:41pm saying Dr. Emily was currently able to squeeze me in for an adjustment, so I told him to come back and he walked me down the hall to her chiropractic office within the birth center. It was so much fun to see her without my mask on!! I’d been getting adjustments for the two weeks leading up to labor and always wore a mask because I didn’t want to take any risks that would affect Heidi or where we could birth. So walking in I had the biggest smile on my face and said, “It’s so fun to see you without my mask on!” She had mentioned how much she loves giving birth, and I told her I had to agree… I was genuinely having fun! 

Justin got to watch me get the adjustment, which I was so excited about! I’d been trying to describe all she does during one (barely any cracking… mostly muscle/joints/tendons engagement, stretching and alignment) and the only thing I didn’t like about being in here was having to be STILL during a contraction. Oh my goodness, it was awful. I have no idea how people labor laying in bed without moving. Even when laying with the peanut ball, I think I was rocking my hips the tiniest bit forward and back… but being on the chiro table on my back during a contraction just did not feel right! It went against everything in me not to be standing up, leaning over, and swaying my hips! 

This adjustment really got things going. I got a few really strong contractions at the very end of the adjustment where Dr. Emily applied some pelvic pressure and I think what she was doing was actually moving baby down even MORE, because her pressure didn’t really feel super relieving… or maybe that just meant contractions were officially at *that* point of intensity! 

I waddled back to the Lotus room and got right back on the birth ball, getting lots of shoulder/upper back massaging from Justin. I was still talking, laughing, and joking between contractions. Sharon popped in to take baby’s heart rate during a contraction and every time she would do that, I hated it because I felt like I couldn’t move during the contraction, even though she said I totally could. I’m SO glad I wasn’t hooked up to an IV or having continual monitoring with those things strapped onto my belly! I loved my freedom of movement during labor and not feeling restricted at all, so even just those few contractions I had the doppler on my belly and how much I disliked it, shows me how glad I am I chose to birth at the center where I could be so free to move without anything weighing me down. 

More smiles… I wish I could know what we were talking about! Anything and everything really :) Lots of joking and lightheartedness! 

I was so spoiled by my doula and my husband!! 

We were laughing SO hard because I said something like “Yes Justin a little lower” but Bethany was the one touching me at the moment… but they didn’t want to correct me… so they just got quiet and I was like what?! It was funny. Haha. 

I’m so thankful I had such a fun group of people to be with during labor :) 

I then spent some time leaning over the edge of the bed, which felt SOO good during a contraction! I remember the leaning over positions were the most relieving it felt like. Justin and Bethany also got really good access to my lower back, and lower back pressure/massages or anything on your sacrum feels SO good during a contraction, so I really liked that! They had little massage rollers that felt really good. I also did some time on my hands and knees but just felt generally uncomfortable in this position so I was only there for a contraction or two. 

I remember feeling so loved during labor because I had four hands on me. Two voices telling me how great I was doing. 

I had told Bethany earlier in the day when we were talking about how normal I was in between contractions, that I am way too good at minimizing or downplaying my discomfort. I remember saying that my counselor would agree that I tend to deflect the attention from me and my suffering… and it was no different in labor. I see these photos of me laboring and think, “That’s how much pain I was in?!” My face says it all… but internally, I felt so strong. Fully convinced that’s because I let people love me through these moments even with how much I wanted them to just be enjoying themselves and not bogged down by taking care of me! Haha. 

Justin kept saying, “You’re doing amazing… you’re doing so good. Breathe. Relax. We get to meet our baby soon!” I loved laboring with him. It was by far the most bonded I’ve ever felt to him. It was out of this world. I can’t wait to do it again! 

I asked to have the tub filled because 1. I wanted it for hydrotherapy and to relax in the water but 2. I wondered if I might need it soon for Heidi’s actual delivery… I felt like things might be getting close. I remember asking like 8 times about the tub and when it would be filled up, because it was going to take 40 minutes to fill and I wanted to make sure it was ready in time. Sharon was on a break eating (and honestly she probably did not think I’d be having my baby just 5 and a half hours after getting to the birth center) so I tried to stay patient and knew she’d come back soon.  

Around 3:45, I got back on the bed with the peanut ball because we all knew at that point that the peanut ball is what caused the most intensity for me. I said I was starting to feel a tiny bit nauseous (I knew nausea was a sign of transition!) so Bethany put a little bit of peppermint oil in this little necklace thing and let me smell it, which helped! 

I was on the peanut ball for about 9 minutes when I felt a gush of fluid come out of me towards the end of a contraction. My eyes shot open and I said “I think my water just broke.” (Side note: So glad I was wearing disposable underwear during this and didn’t have to worry about making any mess!) I stood up and felt even MORE come out, and said, “Okay, that’s GOT to be my water.” Earlier Justin had been asking Bethany what it felt like and how we’d know, and she said it feels like a tiny little pop, but I didn’t feel a pop. I just knew that wasn’t me peeing myself and it was way too much fluid way too fast to be that anyway. It just gushed out of me.

Still smiling and laughing right up until my water broke… about an hour before we met Heidi! 

Things were intense… but up until this point I still felt unafraid and like I was in control. 

Smiling moments before my water broke… our world was about to be turned upside down!! 

The contraction that broke my water! 

I walked over to the toilet, sat down, remember seeing a ton of bloody show/mucus in the toilet water, and noticed that there was a greenish stain in the disposable underwear…

I said “Is that meconium?” Sharon came in and very calmly responded, “Yea, a little bit.” That was it. No panicking, no concerns expressed to me at all, and I was able to stay calm even though I knew meconium was a birth complication that could become serious. I wasn’t scared, just focused on the task at hand… getting baby out! 

I stood up and had a STRONG contraction where I had to grab onto the handlebar again. This time Justin was with me. I think this is when I started to make noise during my contractions… and they seemed to be coming right on top of each other. It was a totally different world than a few minutes prior to my water breaking. This was LOUD inside of me. It was undeniable and fully demanding of my attention and energy. I couldn’t really move now during one. At some point my pants were taken off and I was standing there holding onto Justin, clinging onto him. I remember feeling like I was going to be swept away now. Justin asked if I wanted Bethany in the bathroom and I said yes, and she came in and started massaging my lower back and saying ALL the birth affirmations I needed to hear. 

Your body is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do. 

Surrender to the contraction. 

Let your body do the work. 

You don’t need to do anything. 

Picture your baby moving down. 

Your body opening to allow baby to come out. 

I was in the bathroom for about 15 minutes but it felt like just 2 or 3 minutes… labor time is so strange in that way. Everything went by SO fast. 

I said a few times between contractions, “I feel like I might need to push soon. Is the tub ready?” It wasn’t ready yet… it was still filling up so I tried to wait a little longer, standing there clinging onto Justin’s neck, swaying back and forth. But at the end of each contraction I felt a little more of that feeling… there was pressure down there and I knew it was almost time to push.

That feeling didn’t quite feel the same to me as having to poop. I know that’s what everyone says, but it was slightly different. It felt a little more “forward” than that. I liked being able to tell the difference, because I really didn’t want to poop in the tub water during pushing. Haha. 

Contractions right before I got into the tub were officially in “hot” period cramp territory. It was just very intensified. I wouldn’t say it was “OUCH” kind of pain, like a burning or getting a bad cut would be… it was just strong pressure inside of me. 

I had another contraction and at this point I was definitely moaning. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until the contraction would end. Mentally, I was still in a space of “I can absolutely do this, my body was made for this, I’m about to meet my baby!” Externally, I looked like I was in some significant discomfort, I was starting to cry, but at the end of my last two contractions in the bathroom I remember crying and saying “I’m so excitedddd” because she was so close to being here! I was somewhat in a strong, confident place mentally… even though on the outside I was definitely starting to look like I was falling apart. My composure was hanging by a thread.

Contractions after my water broke were an entirely different level of intensity… totally different feeling. Way more pressure and way less control on my side… 

I love this photo… I feel like I look like a child but that’s how I felt. Totally and completely out of control and honestly, scared for the first time in labor… having Justin there to lean on was indescribable. It was after this moment I looked up and said “I’m so excited” with tears in my eyes about meeting our little girl. 

We decided it was time for me to get into the tub whether it was filled up or not, because I was now saying “I’m going to have to push soon.” I was still feeling a tiny bit nauseous but I’ve fought severe nausea my entire life and have a really impressive ability to avoid throwing up (I HATE throwing up and have almost have a phobia of it) so it was never to the point where I felt like I’d have to. Bethany set a little baggie next to me anyway just to be safe.

I couldn’t even make it from the bathroom to the tub before another contraction hit. Sharon came over and monitored Heidi’s heart rate again and I was just wondering when this was going to be over. I was so ready to meet her. I also just wanted all the doppler sounds to be normal and it was a little nerve-racking to hear her heart rate out loud, but she passed again with flying colors. Sharon had remarked earlier in labor after doing a monitoring that her heart rate fluctuated just as it should during a contraction, so she was already overachieving and doing things perfectly – Sharon and I had shared several conversations about my perfectionist tendencies/Type A personality so it was just funny and cute that we were joking about Heidi following right in her mom’s footsteps… I think I said something like, “Well I hope not too much!” 

I was finally able to make it into the tub and immediately got a charlie horse in my right thigh. It was THE WORST. I felt like I couldn’t move or extend my leg in the right way to get it to go away. Someone (we can’t figure out who) was massaging the muscle directly and it was NOT helping. This is where I started to lose my resolve… just in time for things to really amp up. 

The tub was hard. I felt like I didn’t have as much freedom of movement as I had outside of the water. Maybe it was the shape of the tub, or how the water wasn’t all that deep, but it felt uncomfortable sitting the way I was. And the contractions… 

They are still indescribable, even 11 days later as I am writing this. I genuinely can’t remember what they felt like. I wish Kelly had asked me in that moment so that I could remember my verbal description, like I am able to remember with all the contractions leading up to being in the tub. 

What I felt in the water was just… overwhelming. It felt like torment. 

Still smiling… because labor is insane and you feel unprecedented levels of ecstasy and agony at the same time. 

There wasn’t a specific kind of pain, or even a place for the pain. It was more pressure than it was “pain.” But the pressure was a level of intensity that I did not know my body could create. I was now VERY vocal and to me, it sounded like I was screaming. 

I said to Bethany after a contraction ended, “Remember when you said I wasn’t going to scream in labor?” I had been freaked out by the thought of family members being in the waiting room and hearing me screaming… so she had told me 1. They wouldn’t hear me and 2. Women don’t really SCREAM in labor. But here I was making a lot of noise (in my opinion) and I was so glad I didn’t have any loved ones on the other side of the wall to hear me. I was convinced everyone in the center was hearing the sounds of my reaction to every cell in my body being taken over by the throws of childbirth. 

Bethany assured me I wasn’t screaming, just “groaning.” I’m not sure if she was just saying that or what, but she’s very kind. Haha. 

I love seeing photos of me smiling in the tub, where my thoughts could barely function from the overwhelming sensations. I loved my birth team. I felt so comfortable with Sharon and Bethany and Justin and Kelly there… I think feeling so seen and known by them made me feel like I was hanging out with friends, and in the midst of this shutdown/quarantine and having friend time become non-existent… it made me really enjoy my labor that much more. I was still having fun! 

Labor is beautiful. 

This was the moment I think I realized I “couldn’t” do it… I felt hopeless and so overwhelmed by what was supposed to happen… how was a baby going to come out of me??

I got into the tub around 4:15. The next hour, time didn’t exist. I was just there. Surviving each contraction that now felt extremely loud and opinionated. I was overwhelmed… and this was the first time I felt scared in labor. 

Once the fear came in, everything else flew out the window. 

I remember saying, “I’m panicking.” 

There was nothing I could do at this point. Nothing I had done before worked now. Looking back, this was clearly transition… when your body moves baby down into the birth canal and you get ready to push. 

Transition means give up and get the drugs, or give in and surrender. 

I only had one option. And to be honest, drugs never crossed my mind… maybe because I knew they weren’t there? But she just felt so close, I don’t think they would have been an option even in a hospital setting because within the next half hour, I was pushing! 

I wish I could remember more of this feeling during transition. It was just so intense. It wasn’t a burning/cut pain… although at the very lowest part of me down there, it did hurt a bit. But the majority of the sensation was right above my pelvis in the front. All around there. 

It was like depths of the Earth, tectonic plates moving kind of intensity. 

There was nothing I could do to ignore it, minimize it… and everything in me wanted to run from it. I just wanted it to end! 

I couldn’t grab onto anything in the tub so when one would hit I would just writhe there, star fishing around the tub. Everyone had to chase me around this little circle, which honestly is kind of comical looking back haha. I was just so lost inside of myself, looking for an anchor or something to ground me in this birthing room and not wherever my body was at the moment. If my soul/consciousness could have severed its link to my physical body, it would have. 

The eyes of the people around me ended up being my anchors. Grounding me back in that room, in reality. 

Justin said at one point, “We’re about to meet our baby” and I smiled. 

I said “I can’t do it” several times. 

“You’re already doing it!” was their response. 

“The only way out is through” was a mantra I had wanted to remember in labor and now couldn’t because of how loud the pressure was. Bethany said at one point, “The only way to make this stop is to push your baby out.” 

That got my mindset focused again for just the tiniest second. My thoughts were just everywhere. I had worship songs coming in and out of my head, I was praying, I was angry at God that I had to suffer like this, I felt abandoned by Him and as separated from Him as I’ve ever felt.

I think it’s extremely telling that this final stage of childbirth was the farthest I’ve ever felt from God. 

We all know that Eve was cursed in the garden with “the pains of childbirth being multiplied.” This part of childbirth has got to be JUST THAT. 

Sin separates us from God… bringing suffering and death, and eventually torment. The Bible describes childbirth pain as intense anguish, torment, agony. I’m wondering if a physical manifestation of this spiritual separation from God is experienced in childbirth. I think it just might be. 

“Panic seized them there,

Anguish, as a woman in childbirth.”

Psalm 113:9

“They will be terrified, 

pains and anguish will take hold of them; 

They will writhe like a woman in labor.” 

Isaiah 13:8

That second verse is talking about the day of God’s judgment over the entire world. The Bible uses childbirth as a metaphor for the anguish that comes for all the evil people in the world when God comes back and brings justice. I believe it! 

I would never want to stay in that state… and if that’s what separation from God feels like, I never want to go to hell!! 

What did I do to deserve someone who loves me so much??

Their eyes became my anchors to reality… 

People talk about sleeping during contractions… I wasn’t sleeping, but seeing this photo, I’m wondering if I was. Haha. 

His eyes have never given me so much strength than in this moment… 

Childbirth was a spiritual experience for me in this way: The old me died in that tub. My life before Heidi… it passed away in those moments of torment in the final moments of labor. I literally felt that part of me die. As Heidi was born, I was born, too… reborn into someone completely new. 

I still can’t remember the full sensation of transition and pushing. I can’t describe it very well because I cannot bring the feeling into my memory. I wonder if when we get to heaven, all of our suffering on Earth will seem like that… a memory we know exists, but can no longer recall. Death will no longer have its sting, and we will be made new. 

In the final moments of transition, I was still looking for my anchor. I tried grabbing onto the little jacuzzi jet mounted into the tub at one point… I was that desperate for something, anything to hold onto to survive another contraction. 

The eyes of the people around me ended up being my anchors. 

I remember looking at Justin, desperate for him to save me. I just wanted to LEAVE my body and all the pain behind. And I was scared. Scared at how out of control I felt, scared of how this baby was going to come out of me. The fear was so loud and it didn’t make this any easier. 

All I could do was wait and surrender. 

I remember being so hot in the water in the tub… I kept asking for new cold wet rags to be on my forehead and my neck. That contrast between hot and cold was enough of a distraction to help me survive the final contractions. 

Bethany asked me at one point if I wanted to get out, but I said no because I could not fathom standing up or being ANYWHERE else than where I currently was. It felt like it might fully consume me if I moved even the littlest bit. 

So she suggested that Justin put his arms under mine and lift me up during a contraction so I felt that I had something to hold me up. It was amazing and made ALL the difference. 

I loved seeing Sharon come back to the tub because every time she was there, I figured maybe the baby was actually getting close to coming out! 

Such a stillness in the in between. 

I needed him to hold onto…

This is when Sharon said, “Alright, I think her head will probably come out with the next contraction.” 

I could feel Heidi getting lower and lower, and looking back I now realize that all the intensity I felt was Heidi literally moving through my cervix. No wonder it didn’t feel good! 

I kept saying I could feel her moving and kicking, which was incredible! Sharon said “Your baby is working with you! You’re working together.” Babies will kick off the top of the uterus to help themselves get out and I definitely felt that towards the end! 

Eventually my contractions felt like a force that had to move down and I felt like I should try to start pushing with them. It didn’t feel like pushing like I do on the toilet when I go to the bathroom. It felt like a different kind of pushing, more in my front and not my butt! Like a bearing down in my abdomen and kegal muscles. My belly bulged as I pushed and I thought my belly button was going to pop! 

I kept asking, “Do you see her head yet?!” For nearly the first hour I was in the tub, she was still just making her way down… and then finally at 5:09, Sharon got the mirror and I saw what looked NOTHING like a baby’s head in it. 

I couldn’t believe that my baby was actually coming. I couldn’t accept it. If I could go back, I would really try to believe that her head was coming out. I’d try to visualize my body stretching and expanding to let her out. Instead, I was just in denial that it was really her, and I thought I was going to be in this state forever with no baby or progress to show for it. 

I started grunting during my pushing and everyone kept saying, “Good, good!!” I guess they know the sounds to look for when a woman is really giving in and pushing correctly! The grunting just came out of me, I had no idea I could actually make that noise. Haha. 

Once she crowned, things got even scarier. It did NOT feel good down there. That area actually did feel like it was burning! I experienced the “ring of fire” and wanted it to be OVER. Even though she had just started to crown at 5:09, I would have her out within the next 18 minutes. 

Sharon said very calmly halfway through pushing, “Okay, so when she comes out, I’m going to grab her, hold her face down and rub her back to clear her out.” This was meconium procedure at the birth center. At a hospital, Heidi would have been whisked away to be suctioned out, a traumatic experience for both mom & dad and baby. At the birth center, tend to do a “wait and see” approach, which I had requested on my birth plan before any suctioning was done. So Sharon told us so calmly what she was going to do and I wasn’t scared about the meconium at all. I knew Heidi was in good hands. 

I liked my process of pushing, because no one told me to push. No one counted out loud or made me hold my breath or told me to do anything! I would just surrender to the contraction, tense my entire abdomen up, and at the end of the contraction do that grunting push where I’d feel her move a bit more each time. 

I felt like at the end of each push, she would go back up inside of me and I’d lose everything I just gained. But Bethany said, “With every push, she goes right back to where she just was at the end of the last one. You’re not losing any progress!” That was super encouraging to me! 

The ring of fire was intense because I felt it burning and stretching up TOP. If you’re a woman, you know you don’t want ANYTHING to feel like it’s burning UP ABOVE. But I felt that and I was terrified. I said out loud “I can feel burning it at the top!!” and don’t remember the response, because what do you tell someone whose baby is coming out and might be doing some damage in the most sensitive area on her body?!

Bethany reminded me to let my baby crown gradually, which is one of the best methods to reduce/prevent tearing. But I’m not sure I did this if I pushed her out in 18 minutes… though she assured me afterwards I was very gradual with things…

Sharon said around 5:23pm, “Okay, I think her head is probably going to come out with the next push.” 

That was ALL I needed to hear to make it happen!! I felt like I finally had confirmation that she was almost here and that I could END THIS!

I pushed harder than I had for any contraction in that last one, and for longer too. I ignored all the pain and the stretching and the burning and just PUSHED for it to be done. 

For a split second it felt like she wasn’t going to come, then her head finally broke through the pressure and I didn’t even feel her shoulders and the rest of her body come out, even though there was a pause to check for a cord around her neck. 

The cord was around her back and wrapped around her leg twice. Not surprising considering how active she was inside of me! 

She looked so gray to me and she didn’t cry right away, which I knew was normal, especially for water births. I could see her moving and that eased my worries. 

Sharon held her face down and rubbed her back and we watched all the fluid come out of Heidi’s mouth and into the water. She started to cry the tiniest bit and Sharon put her on my chest. 

We couldn’t believe we were finally seeing our baby with our own eyes!!

They put a little towel on her back and rubbed her to try to help her “pink up.” She was really gray and I knew whatever they were doing would help. After she was on my chest for about 3 minutes, they took her back and held her face down again to rub her back some more, which gave us a really good, loud cry. That’s what we wanted! 

They got me up and out of the tub and I remember thinking how funny and odd it felt to have the cord hanging out of me and still attached to her. I laid down in bed with her on my chest, my bra having been snapped off by Sharon on my way over. 

I was naked, wet, cold, and a little afraid… me and Heidi both. 

Two births in one. 

They piled the blankets on her to warm her up and I just laid there with her on my chest. My baby in my arms. I was exhausted and completely wiped out but so “at peace.” 

I remember thinking how traumatic that all felt and how I wasn’t sure I would do it again. 

I was just so glad it was over, so happy to have her in our arms, and so nervous about what this meant for our lives now… we were going to take her home! 

We are parents!! The most surreal, incredible feeling… 

He’s never been more attractive to me… I can’t believe we get to raise our children together. 

Justin held my hand as Sharon and Whitney (the nurse) massaged my belly and I delivered the placenta. Let me tell you, the contractions for the placenta were still strong! I thought I wouldn’t really feel it at all but I did. The FLOOD of relief as that thing came out of me was like nothing else! It felt just as good as when Heidi came out! I said something like, “I had no idea how heavy that felt inside of me!” 

About 25 minutes after she was born, they started to direct me on breastfeeding, which was a little more tricky than I was expecting. Heidi was just so flimsy and I was so afraid of holding her head just right to get on my nipple! Thankfully, it got easier after a few days! 

Jo popped into the room around this time and said, “You! You’re amazing! You are superwoman! You got it done so fast!” She had gone to a home birth and come back and did not expect me to have had my baby in that time with how chill I seemed when I first got to the birth center at noon. I’ll just never forget how awesome she made me feel! 

Sweet Bethany got my robe out so I could cover myself up a little bit and Justin did some skin to skin after Heidi’s vitals were taken. I wish they’d gotten more skin to skin time, but there was a lot going on! 

Justin cut her cord and weighed her (7 lbs 2 ounces… I was shocked at how tiny she was!) and Heidi got measured… Sharon couldn’t get her leg to extend all the way so she had to estimate that she was 20 inches long! 

We took some photos on the bed before Kelly headed home… she stayed a full two hours and twenty minutes after Heidi was born! We will be forever grateful to Kelly for how she loved and served us by capturing this day. 

She said before she left that she would totally consider an unmedicated birth now after watching me do it, which SHOCKED me after my vocalizations during pushing, but it was just really awesome to hear that from her. 

We tried to make our beef stew I had prepared in advance, but it was still frozen so we ended up ordering Chickfila, which was hard for me to eat as I couldn’t really sit up with Heidi being on my chest and with feeling so fatigued. Sharon and Whitney were running through discharge instructions and care tips for what to do back home and I think I was literally dozing off I was so tired. 

I did end up tearing during Heidi’s delivery, so Justin had Heidi all to himself for about 45 minutes while I went with Sharon and Whitney to get stitched up. I was more scared of the suturing down there than labor! Thankfully the numbing spray and little lidocaine shots worked like magic and I didn’t feel a thing! 

It was now getting dark out and I couldn’t believe we were about to be SENT HOME with this baby. She was ours… and everyone just trusted her with us?! It was that simple and that quick?! I totally get why people stay in the hospital for 24 hours following birth, though I was also very ready to be home and to go to bed. Sharon advised us to sleep for 4 hours before anything else so that we could at least get a little sleep. 

We left the birth center around 11pm, off to the rest of our lives. We had no idea what we were in for that first night or the first couple weeks… and we still have no idea what we are doing. We take things day by day. Minute by minute. Every moment with Heidi is a gift, even the hard ones where she’s crying, I’m crying, and the overwhelm is unreal. Motherhood is sanctifying.

I prayed for this… and I’m surrendering to it, just like I surrendered during labor to the changes that took place within me and all the forces I could not control. All I can do is give in.

Give in to the not knowing, the uncertainty.

The simple days filled with naps and snuggles and newborn cries.

This is my new life, the new me. I don’t know what next week or next month holds, but I know we’ll be together.

And that is the most comforting, beautiful thought of all. 

Thank you so, so much to the following people who made our birth experience so incredible, memorable, fun, and most of all, safe and healthy for both me and Heidi. We will be forever grateful for such an amazing first birth!!!

Premier Birth Center

Sharon Cardenas (CPM)

Riverbank Willow Birth Services

BB Birth Services

Bradley Method

Kaypea Photography