Oh my goodness, I can’t believe how much time has gone by since I redesigned this blog (and since my last post)… it’s been WAY too long. Time has just gotten away from me (said every mother ever). Between the pandemic, a cross country move, and transforming my business to support also being a mama, blogging kind of fell to the wayside these past couple years. Needless to say, I’ve missed it.
I was talking to our pastor this past Sunday after church about writing. I said, “I’ve had a blog for 12 years…” and couldn’t believe how long this site has been up. This started as a place to share my photography (which, at the time, was mostly personal photos of my family and friends) as well as an online home where I could pour my heart out about topics that set my heart on fire: my faith, my relationship with Justin, our commitment to wait until marriage, my dreams for after college (could I really be self-employed?!), my travels around the country and around the world, my desire to learn and grow and become the best version of myself that I could be as a sub-20-year-old. I craved wisdom, I longed for success, not just financially but in all arenas of my life. My heart dreamed so big.
Someone once told me shortly before I got married that there are two events in life that fracture you: marriage and having kids. To be honest, I didn’t really feel that fracture when I married Justin. We’d spent 7 years of our lives together by that point. There was nothing shocking or really all that challenging about becoming husband and wife and moving in together. It felt like we had smoothed out a lot of our potential “problem areas” in the years leading up to marriage, and everything else felt very… manageable. It was easy. It was fun.
Becoming a mom, on the other hand… now that fractured me to my core.
As I gave birth to Heidi (unmedicated, mind you), it felt like I was being ripped apart from the inside. Like tectonic plates of the Earth were shifting inside of me, an earthquake rattling my bones from within. Isn’t that just fitting for all of the drastic changes motherhood brings?
This was the best transformation the Lord has ever walked with me through. I am a better daughter, a better sister, a better wife, a better follower of Christ, and a better friend because I am a mother.
But it made me choose. It made me make tough decisions that before were simply not necessary or ever asked of me. I chose, and I think I chose well. Part of that choice was taking a step back from portions of my business and investing in other areas – both in my career (hello, editing for other wedding photographers!) and in my home.
I have been so thankful to get to spend every single day with Heidi since she was born. In a few weeks, her 3rd birthday will be here, and I’ll be looking around asking, “Where did the time go?” We have thousands and thousands of photos and stories to tell us exactly where those three years went.
But she’s going to be three, and I’d be lying if I said she wasn’t much more independent now and not so reliant on me for her every waking moment. It’s both absolutely wonderful and awfully heart-wrenching.
This new season means I have some of my time and creative energy back, and that means I’m now sitting at my kitchen table, a few minutes from getting dinner started, writing my first blog post in two years, my mind spinning with new ideas about all the ways I’ve wanted to show up here and now can.
So, hello again. It’s been quite some time. But my heart is ready to dive back into this online home again.
I’m so glad you’re here.
